Corpses Galore!

This is just getting a little too weird. First there's the torso that turns up in a house a few miles Crotchester. Now this. Apparently some woman in Canton Townshit stored her dead roommate's body in her living room (under a big pile of dirty laundry both literally and figuratively I suppose) and extorted money from her dead roommate's parents saying that their daughter really needed it for important expenses. She ended up getting about $2,000 in drug money from them.

WTF? This is the second corpse, or part of a corpse, found in suburban homes in the Detroit area in the past week. What is wrong with these people? And does dirty laundry really cover up the smell of a seriously autolyzed body? Maybe if you shit all over in the dirty clothes, but that smell is no good either. It's just so fucking bizarre.

If I turn up as a corpse, don't blame anybody but Michigan. It must be in the water here, or something.

In Which We Try To Offend

So, as we approach the one week mark here in the Greater Detroit Metro Area, we realized that we're probably going to be writing about this area relatively often. In order to properly do this I need to be offensive. In order to be properly offensive I need to come up with derogatory names for the various cities and towns around here. You know, like in DC we would say Manasshole, or Fairfucks or The Shitstrict. But you see, there's a lot of ridiculous little towns around here and I need some help. Now some of them write themselves, but others I don't have any ideas. Please help me out here so I can equally offend people from all over.

I'm not even going to try to come up with something for the actual city of Detroit. What could be worse than calling a city "Detroit?" Maybe I should just call everything Detroit? That's pretty damn offensive. But anyway, here's the list. Please give me suggestions.

Rochester = Crotchester

Rochester Hills = Crotchester Hells

Shelby Township (or any township, and there is a shipload of them) = Shelby Townshit

Pontiac = Pontiass

Royal Oak = ???

Dearborn = Dearburn?? (needs improvement)

Sterling Heights = Sterling Bites

Grosse Pointe = Fucking Frenchville

Southfield = Shitfield

Troy = ???

Warren = Borin' (lame, I know)

Livonia = ????

Farmington = Fuckington

Farmington Hills = Fuckington Hells

Hamtramck = Ham Sandwich?

Come on, help me out here people! Here's a link to a map of the area. Pick a town and fire away.

Detroit