In Which We Try To Offend

So, as we approach the one week mark here in the Greater Detroit Metro Area, we realized that we're probably going to be writing about this area relatively often. In order to properly do this I need to be offensive. In order to be properly offensive I need to come up with derogatory names for the various cities and towns around here. You know, like in DC we would say Manasshole, or Fairfucks or The Shitstrict. But you see, there's a lot of ridiculous little towns around here and I need some help. Now some of them write themselves, but others I don't have any ideas. Please help me out here so I can equally offend people from all over.

I'm not even going to try to come up with something for the actual city of Detroit. What could be worse than calling a city "Detroit?" Maybe I should just call everything Detroit? That's pretty damn offensive. But anyway, here's the list. Please give me suggestions.

Rochester = Crotchester

Rochester Hills = Crotchester Hells

Shelby Township (or any township, and there is a shipload of them) = Shelby Townshit

Pontiac = Pontiass

Royal Oak = ???

Dearborn = Dearburn?? (needs improvement)

Sterling Heights = Sterling Bites

Grosse Pointe = Fucking Frenchville

Southfield = Shitfield

Troy = ???

Warren = Borin' (lame, I know)

Livonia = ????

Farmington = Fuckington

Farmington Hills = Fuckington Hells

Hamtramck = Ham Sandwich?

Come on, help me out here people! Here's a link to a map of the area. Pick a town and fire away.

Detroit