Wednesday, March 7, 2007

In Which We Try To Offend

So, as we approach the one week mark here in the Greater Detroit Metro Area, we realized that we're probably going to be writing about this area relatively often. In order to properly do this I need to be offensive. In order to be properly offensive I need to come up with derogatory names for the various cities and towns around here. You know, like in DC we would say Manasshole, or Fairfucks or The Shitstrict. But you see, there's a lot of ridiculous little towns around here and I need some help. Now some of them write themselves, but others I don't have any ideas. Please help me out here so I can equally offend people from all over.

I'm not even going to try to come up with something for the actual city of Detroit. What could be worse than calling a city "Detroit?" Maybe I should just call everything Detroit? That's pretty damn offensive. But anyway, here's the list. Please give me suggestions.

  • Rochester = Crotchester

  • Rochester Hills = Crotchester Hells

  • Shelby Township (or any township, and there is a shipload of them) = Shelby Townshit

  • Pontiac = Pontiass

  • Royal Oak = ???

  • Dearborn = Dearburn?? (needs improvement)

  • Sterling Heights = Sterling Bites

  • Grosse Pointe = Fucking Frenchville

  • Southfield = Shitfield

  • Troy = ???

  • Warren = Borin' (lame, I know)

  • Livonia = ????

  • Farmington = Fuckington

  • Farmington Hills = Fuckington Hells

  • Hamtramck = Ham Sandwich?


  • Come on, help me out here people! Here's a link to a map of the area. Pick a town and fire away.

    Detroit

    5 comments:

    Liz said...

    Livonia = Deadonia? I'm new to trash talk so forgive me if it's lame.

    By the way, Elizabeth has asked 28 million times when we're going to go on vacation to Detriot so she can play with Levi. She really misses him (as do we all.)

    hobert europe said...

    royal joke, ive been calling it.

    nichole said...
    This comment has been removed by the author.
    nichole said...

    have you been to hamtramck? it is seriously the butthole of the earth. therefore, that should be its nickname.

    The_Dark_One said...

    Detroit=Detoilet